Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Fun Quotes

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
---Ashleigh Brilliant

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
---Joseph Conrad

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
---Charlotte Whittond

"It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
---Unknown
"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
---Jerome K. Jerome

"The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about."
---Unknown

"Bad luck is bending over to pick up a four-leaf clover and being infected by poison ivy."
---Unknown

"After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room."
---Unknown

"Remember the good old days when a juvenile delinquent was a boy who played the saxophone too loud?"
---Unknown

"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."
---Kin Hubbard

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
---A. Whitney Brown

"Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers."
---Judith Martin

"Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable."
---Mrs. White, Clue

"Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?"
---Courtney Huston

"Tolerance is a great trait to contain, but so is the ability to shut up."
---Unknown

"English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway."
---Mark Grasso

"One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average."
---Jonathan Fuerbringer

"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil--and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid."
---Phil Pastoret

"Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big."
---George Carlin

"Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do."
---Terry Marchal

"Successful people are very lucky. Just ask any failure."
---Michael Levine

"A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large."
---Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

"You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something."
---H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does."
---Al Bernstein

"We all basically go back to being children in the dentist's chair."
---Arthur Benjamin

"Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut."
---Robert Newton Peck

"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone."
---Ashley Salvati

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
---Scott Adams

"Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth."
---Chuck Norris

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
---Sam Ewing

"Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit."
---Elbert Hubbard

"Children are the most expensive form of entertainment."
---Mihaela Iosof

"Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush."
---Doug Larson

"A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice."
---Bill Cosby

"A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase."
---Unknown

"The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise."
---Tommy Bolt

"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left."
---"Smile" Zingers

"Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other."
---Laurence J. Peter

"Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest."
---Karen Savage and Patricia Adams

"Forgive your enemies--if you can't get back at them any other way."
---Franklin P. Jones

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it."
---W.C. Fields

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."
---Franklin P. Jones

"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
---Doug Larson

"A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely."
---Lubna Azmi

"I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner."

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